Echoes

On one of the forums I frequent, someone asked the question: what song best "fits" you, or describes your life, either just at this moment or in general?

I thought about that for a while. When I realized what song has always resonated in my mind, well... it wasn't a happy thought.

Hurt - Trent Reznor

I hurt myself today,
To see if I still feel.
I focus on the pain,
The only thing that's real.

The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting.
Tried to kill it all away,
But I remember everything.

What have I become?
My sweetest friend.
Everyone I know,
Goes away in the end.

And you can have it all,
My empire of dirt.
I will let you down.
I will make you hurt.

There's always that small part of me, the little self-destructive demon within, that delights in the seclusion. The misery. The pain. The subversive voice whispering that I'm nothing but a burden on everyone, and that they're all better off without me weighing them down.

I hurt, inside. I don't want to lash out at others because of it. I try to hold myself in check, apart, all alone and far away. I build my walls high. I bolster those walls as best I can.

They feel like they're getting thin.