Reflections

Looking for inspiration, was going over some old poetry of mine. Came across this one from a few years ago:
__________

Taking Flight (2003)

If I weren't such a coward I'd just fly away -
Away from the charnel-house reek of decay.
Fling myself forth without haste or delay,
With other like souls to frolic and play.

But because I'm a coward, in this hell I stay,
where disgrace and self-pity assault me each day,
My missteps and failures they proudly display,
And poison my soul with despair and dismay.

Break away, break away, with the dawn fly away -
Let the pain and self-hatred o'er my heart hold no sway,
Unbound by the pettiness that dark hearts obey,
Let my soul fly in freedom, bright wings to essay.
__________

That was how I was feeling at the time. For a long while. Trapped. By a job I loved to do, but for people who had no appreciation or respect for anyone. And the worst thing is, I knew it, and yet for so long did nothing about it. Out of a misguided sense of stubbornness and obligation, I kept myself there for so long. Much longer than I should have.

Now I have flown free. And I'm slowly breaking free of that mindset. It's like there was a poison flowing through my veins, clouding my thoughts and slowly tainting my soul - and now it's gone. There are still after-effects, of course, and my recovery has slow, but steady.

...and while it seems obvious now, I was still rather surprised at how scary it's been, trying out these wings. And I haven't even really gotten started yet. It's taking a while, but I'm getting there... I think.

Sometimes I wonder, though - why is it that I always try to do things the hard way? (>_<)