Dear Drivers and Car Owners...

Dear Guy with the New "Front Spoiler" on His Car:

Being able to come up with creative solutions is usually a good thing. It shows a clever mind that is capable of thinking in new and innovative ways to accomplish goals. It is a sign of an individual unconfined by the stifling walls of established normalcy. It shows strength of character.

However, sometimes it just makes you look like a cheap dweeb.

Despite what popular urban myth may lead you to believe, duct tape is not the solution to everything.

If you want a front spoiler for your car, please go purchase a front spoiler and install it on your car. Or at least go find a front spoiler at your local junk heap.

Really, how blind do you think we are? We can all see your so-called "sporty" spoiler is really nothing more than layers and layers of black duct tape applied to the front bumper.

And no, we don't think it's cool.

Not even if you're sporting a matching duct tape "leather" jacket to go along with it.
__________

Dear Random Driver in the Parking Lot:

Yes, I know that in your country of origin you drive on the left side of the road. And honestly, I understand it can take a little time to get adjusted. But please understand - here, in this country, we drive on the right.

This is the new reality that you must adapt to. We're sorry for the incovenience, truly we are. But no amount of hostile glaring, rude gesturing, and muttered comments under your breath in a non-English language is going to make this reality change.

So please, stop trying to make my brain assplode with the frightening mental powers of your hairpiece, and try to remember to drive on the right side of the road. Yes, even in parking lots. I'm sorry if the extremely large painted arrows on the asphalt indicating the directionality of traffic flow were somehow not making things clear to you.

Thank you for your time.
__________

Dear People Driving in California:

Please remember that some traffic signals here in the area have those wonderful camera accessories, which the local authorities use to take pictures of you when you try to run a red light (or sneak through on a yellow, as we drivers are sometimes wont to do).

For your convenience, these intersections are rather blatantly marked by signs (not to mention the really obvious cameras), which have been placed beside the road to kindly remind you that maybe speeding through the upcoming intersection perhaps isn't the best idea.

Of course, if you're speeding down the road at 65 mph, you may find the sign just a bit difficult to spot. So maybe slowing down just a bit might be advisable.

I mean, unless you're just trying to be helpful and provide the city of Los Angeles with a little bit of money during its time of deep financial crisis and all. Which I suppose really is quite civic-minded of you and all, but I think you could probably find a little better way to donate money to a needy cause. One that won't net you a $350+ citation and a black mark to make your car insurance premiums higher.

But hey, it's up to you.

Of Poopies and Supermarkets

The Following is a Public Service Announcementaru, broughtaru to you by the Windurst Coalition for Goodaru Health Habits and Poopy-Free Supermarketarus For Everypeoples Everywhere:

Dear tarutarus and taller peoples who visitaru supermarketarus with puppy doggies of all differentaru shapey-wapeys and sizies.

Please remember thataru having a puppy doggy is notaru a righty-wighty. Itaru is a privilegey-wigely, andaru a responsibilitaruy. Also, if the doggy is notaru trained to go to the potty-wotty correctaruly, you should NOTARU bringy-wingy the doggy to supermarketaru.

The supermarketaru is where tarutarus and taller peoples go to buy foods for eataruing. Itaru is NOTARU HYGENIC for you to letaru untrained doggies to go poopies or peepees insidaru the supermarketaru.

Doggy poopies have badaru e.coli, andaru that is VERY-WERY BADARU to be near foods for eataruing. It can makey-wakey tarutarus and taller peoples sicky-wicky in the stomach, andaru that is notaru very-wery fun.

Also, no tarutaru or taller peoples wantarus to step into a pile of green doggy poopies on the slippery floors insidaru the supermarketaru, where tarutarus and taller peoples go to buy foods for eataruing. A tarutaru or taller peoples mightaru slippy-wippy, andaru fall down intaru the doggy poopies.

Thataru would be very-wery unpleasantaru.

So please remembers - doggies that don'taru know how to go potty correctaru should notaru be taken-waken to the supermarketaru where tarutarus and taller peoples go to buy foods for eataruing. Thank you.

This concludarus this Public Service Announcementaru, broughtaru to you by the Windurst Coalition for Goodaru Health Habits and Poopy-Free Supermarketarus For Everypeoples Everywhere. We now returny-werny you to your normaru bloggy-woggy viewings.

Kill Me Now

So I decided that I wanted to make myself some ramen this weekend. Got the package out of the innermost recesses of the pantry and got a pot boiling. Got the noodles cooking, then got out some veggies, chopped them up, and sauteed them with a bit of pepper, a dash of garlic, and a splash of soy sauce for flavor.

Noodles were done, so I strained them in the sink (yay for the new "hangs over the sink" strainer). While the water was draining, I filled the now-empty pot with water and set it over the stove to prepare the soup.

I hit the noodles with some cold water, to stop them from overcooking, then kind of used a tossing motion to get rid of the excess water once they were cool. Divided the noodles into 2 portions (I can't eat all that in one sitting). Divided the sauteed noodles into 2 portions as well, and topped one serving of noodles with the veggies. Got some leftover steak from the night before, sliced it thinly, and added it to the mix.

By then the water was starting to bubble, so got the soup base packet and emptied it into the pot. For this particular brand, there is also a liquid soup base packet, so opened that to add it also.

And then, noticed something strange. There in the liquid portion, there was a hard, non-yielding mass of something. I didn't know exactly what it was, so kind of held it in one upper corner. I took it to the sink and eased it out of the package to look at.

It was a piece of glass.

I dumped the soup. The noodles seemed safe, as I checked them over, I didn't see anything in them at all. I know the veggies and such were safe, so didn't worry about them. Still, kinda lost my appetite.

The Following is ANOTHER Public Service Announcementaru...

The Following is a Public Service Announcementaru, broughtaru to you by the Windurst Coalition for Cleany-weany Office Spaces for Everypeoples Everyplaces:


To Everypeoples in Any-Office Everywheres.

Here are justaru a few helpful suggesty-westy-ions for how to use the magical heat-up-the-foods box.

1.) Please remember to putaru the covers over-wover your foods, justaru in casey-wasey you forgetaru and heat up your foods for too longy-wongy and makes the foods assploded all over.

Don'taru have a cover? Use a paper towel.

2.) If you DO forgetarus, and makey-wakey a mess of assploded foods, please clean itaru all up. Don'taru be a messy-wessy taru!

3.) If you DON'Taru want to clean up the mess, DON'TARU MAKEY-WAKEY THE MESS IN THE FIRSTY-WURSTY PLACE!

This has been a Public Service Announcementaru, broughtaru to you by the Windurst Coalition for Cleany-weany Office Spaces for Everypeoples Everyplaces. We return you now to your regular blog viewing.

The Following is a Public Service Announcementaru...

The Following is a Public Service Announcementaru, broughtaru to you by the Windurst Coalition for Cleany-weany Water Closetarus for Everypeoples Everyplaces:

-ahem-

When a tarutaru or bigger peoples (even long-eared dhalmels) go to the water closetaru (also knowny as "the bathroom" or "the john" or "the can" or "the toilet" or "the head" or "the potty"), aftaru the peoples finish their businessy (either poopies or peepees which ever the peoples wentaru into the water closetaru to takey-wakey care of), the peoples should ALWAY makey sure to flushy-wushy the tolietaru aftaruwards.

'Cause no taru wants to findaru what you didy-widdy aftaruwards.

Tarutarus and bigger peoples everywheres thankee everypeoples outaru there for this littaru considaruation.

This concludes this public service announcementaru - we will now returny-wurney you to your normaru blogging viewing.