Just chatted with my brother very briefly a bit ago. He logged in just to tell me that I should wait to call Mom later, because they were leaving. He said that our grandmother, who is 93 years old, was just hospitalized. Something about her calcium levels being low. He didn't have a whole lot of time to find out or give me details.
At the moment, I'm sitting here alone in my room. Worried. Very worried. And feeling guilty. I should be there.
I know all the arguments. I need to be my own person. There's nothing I would have been able to do anyway. All of that, I know. And is true. But I still feel guilty
I still feel bad.
I'm still worried.
Family has always been the most important thing to me. Always. Before friends, even before myself - though not always, as I do have a selfish side - but often, family was always first. Now, now I'm far away. I can't be there for them. I can't drop everything and just go. I'm too far away to just drive and be there, where I'm needed.
And it hurts.
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Update:
My parents went yesterday to visit my grandmother at the hospital. It wasn't her calcium levels, but her potassium levels, which were off kilter. They took her in Friday just to be on the safe side, and held her for the night under observation.
Saturday morning her levels had normalized, and they released her.
So my worry levels have normalized as well. For the moment. Meaning, I'm still worried, just not so much as before.
Further Update:
Grandmother is unable to get up. Prolonged bedrest has weakened her. She still has a good appetite, but the folks say she's getting weaker.
They say she's very tired. She keep saying she's very tired. My dad goes to visit her every day. He says he wants to spend as much time as possible with her. He says she's happy when he and my mom are there to visit her.
My grandmother is fading away. She's fading away, and I'm so far, and my dad is hurting, even though he's trying to hide it, and it hurts.
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