Worried

Just chatted with my brother very briefly a bit ago. He logged in just to tell me that I should wait to call Mom later, because they were leaving. He said that our grandmother, who is 93 years old, was just hospitalized. Something about her calcium levels being low. He didn't have a whole lot of time to find out or give me details.

At the moment, I'm sitting here alone in my room. Worried. Very worried. And feeling guilty. I should be there.

I know all the arguments. I need to be my own person. There's nothing I would have been able to do anyway. All of that, I know. And is true. But I still feel guilty

I still feel bad.

I'm still worried.

Family has always been the most important thing to me. Always. Before friends, even before myself - though not always, as I do have a selfish side - but often, family was always first. Now, now I'm far away. I can't be there for them. I can't drop everything and just go. I'm too far away to just drive and be there, where I'm needed.

And it hurts.