Randomness Out-of-the-Blue

...so... I am lazy, and have not been posting here. Because, again, lazy. And many of my musings lately have been posted over on the looming menace that is the FB.

However, as amusing as it is to find out that FB users were the subjects of psychological experimentation and willful emotional experimentation without informed consent, the incident has also caused a slight blip of mild discontent in my weary, wary soul.

And I know of at least one person who might need stuff to read and poke fun at, who does not use FB.

*waves*

In any case, I played Final Fantasy XIV for a bit. And it was fun and entertaining, but I have found recently that, not only am I now lazy, I am old, and get tired easy, and don't have as much energy to game 8 hours straight at the computer after putting in a full 8 hours of work in front of the computer anymore. So, MMORPGs are kinda too taxing right now, and so I am not playing the game anymore. But it was fun, and I did RP a tiny healer (I'm sure surprising no one who knew me in Final Fantasy XI back in the day) fully.

(No, Talathar the Lalafel did NOT have a tarutaru accent. I did not carry that part over. The people of Eorzea were not subjected to that. Except a few choice people, OOCly.)

Talathar the Lalafel was my only character to earn her own personal chocobo. You can actually name your chocobos in FFXIV. And, just as in FFXI, chocos scale to your character's size (Hallo?? Blizzard?? Ya see this right here! MOUNTS THAT SCALE TO  YOUR CHARACTER'S SIZE?? Would be nice in that old game ya still got going... my gnome looking like she was about to fall off her gryphon into the nether void was always annoying to me...)

-ahem-

Sorry, momentary distraction...

ANYways, so Talathar the Lalafel named her chocobo. His name was Stalwart Soul. Stalwart for short. Stal for when Tala was shouting at him. Which happened a lot. Because Stalwart was roleplayed as well -- as a brave, loyal, somewhat bratty, independent-minded choco with a slight complex about his height deficiency. So, to compensate for his shortness of stature, he liked to climb things -- like buildings, and trees, and sign posts. And he didn't just run, he hopped and jumped about a lot.

...alright, maybe I just made up an RP reason to be on a chocobo's back while climbing up onto small ledges and seeing if could get on the roof of things... I STILL HAD RP JUSTIFICATION FOR IT IN MY HEAD! :P

And although I'm not playing the game anymore, I really liked Stalwart as a character. He was silly fun to write for. And I had this half-finished story I never posted anywhere... so for lack of better venue, I'll post it here.

Note: All references to Chocobos and Final Fantasy XIV belong to Square-Enix. I dun own nuthin 'bout dat. And I'm not looking to make any money off this either. Is just a creative little bit, that I had to get out of my system somewhere, to avoid creative asplodings.

Enjoy:
_____

A New Look for Stalwart

He didn't quite know what it was.

They were strange. These things the people put on top of their heads. It was a people thing.

It wasn't like what the trainers put on him sometimes, over his head, in that time before his little master had come to lead him away with her gentle hand. And it wasn't like the thing he wore with the saddle, on his head and beak, when he ran about, carrying his little master from one place to some other place.

That thing, he understood. It was so his master could better direct him where to look, when to stop, and where to run. (Or, sometimes, for her to cling onto desperately while yelling, those times he decided to jump about. Or run very fast. Or clamber up on top of things -- like tall rock formations. Or trees. Or buildings. Tall buildings.) That thing, it was a chocobo thing. He understood it.

This thing wasn't a chocobo thing. It was a people thing.

His master sometimes wore things like this on her head. Like when it rained. Or when it was hot. Or when they traveled out into the sunny-sandy place. She would cover her head-feathers with floppy things kind of like this. Or when she put on the heavy shiny things, with the pointy metal stick and big metal plank thing, she would put a metal bucket thing on to cover her face. Those things, he kind of understood. They kept his little master's head-feathers from getting wet. Or from getting too hot in the sun. Or kept her head from getting bonked by mean taller not-peoples and bad things in the forests and fields.

And this thing, this one thing that this new person was wearing, it was like his master's floppy things. But this thing was also different. It looked different. It even smelled different. It was new.

And he liked it.

It was kind of floppy, but not the same as what his little master wore. For one thing, it was a different color. More yellow. And it was shaped differently. Taller. Skinnier. More pointy. It even smelled different. Not like anything he knew. It was something new. Something different.

And he really liked it.

The person was talking to his little master, as she sat on his back, while they waited idly. He didn't know why they were waiting. He only knew they were waiting. Because she wanted to wait. It was enough of a reason for him -- at least, for now. Because this new thing was keeping him distracted. So instead of shifting about, or hopping from foot to foot, or puffing up at the taller chocobos, or looking for tall places to climb, or climbing up to tall places, he was eyeing this new thing this person was wearing.

He wasn't on his chocobo, the taller person. His little master was just about at eye level with the taller person, sitting on his back like she was. But that also meant that the new yellow-pointy thing was at his eye level. Or close enough to it.

So he reached out. And grabbed it. Took it in his beak and plucked it off the taller person's head. The person looked a little shocked, furry ears flicking a bit in surprise.

"STAL! No!"

His little master scolded him, but he pretended not to hear her. He had lots of practice doing that. She scolded him a lot.

"Bad Stal! Give it back!"

She tried to reach over and take the yellow floppy thing from his beak, but he turned away, keeping it out of her reach. She stretched out as far as she could to reach it, the floppy thing held firmly in his beak. But her short arms could not reach far enough. She leaned over on the other side, to try to reach the yellow floppy thing from that side, but he just turned the other way, and it was once again out of her reach.

By this time, the taller person was trying very hard not to laugh. And failing.

"It's fine, Tala," the taller person assured her, eyes alight with clear amusement. "Let him keep it, if he likes it so."

The wee Lalafel blinked. "But, is not Stal's hat ta take!"

"Then I will make it a gift to him," came the easy reply. With a gentle hand, the hat was taken from the rambunctious little chocobo's grip, only to be placed on his fluffy head. "There you go. Quite the dashing fellow you are, Stalwart."

The little beast look quite pleased with himself. He tried to flap his wings enthusiastically, which of course only caused his little passenger to be bumped about on the saddle uncomfortably.

He liked it. The nice taller person had placed the yellow floppy thing on his head. It was his now. And he would wear it to keep the bright sun from his eyes. And to keep the rain off his head feathers.

And to make him just that much taller, too. And that was the best part.

Random Thoughts from the Labor Day Weekend

1.) The Left Lane is for Passing - Key word there is the "passing" part. You're not going to get the best results passing when you're only going 2 mph faster than the semi that you're trying to pass.

It's even less effective when you move to the passing lane AND THEN SLOW DOWN so that you're only going 2 mpg faster than the semi that you're trying to pass.

Geez, people.

2.) Deer are F@CKING stupid - Dear deer: you do not graze on concrete or asphalt. So why the hell do you wander onto the median of a busy interstate highway?

I understand that maybe you want to avoid hunters getting eager for the upcoming hunting season, but seriously, getting hit by a car is NOT MUCH BETTER than getting shot. Either way, you're gonna be dead. And the other way wouldn't cause heart attacks in innocent interstate travelers just trying to get away.

3.) El Pollo Loco = Goodness - SO WHY DOES OREGON STILL NOT HAVE AN EL POLLO LOCO! DAMMIT!

4.) Sometimes I Just Miss the Sunshine - I mean, I understand the whole rain = green thing. Just looking at the natural landscape of Cali shows how much of a difference the rain and clouds make on the environment. Yeah, I know all that.

Still, sometimes basking in the sunlight on a nice summer day is worth the sunburn.

It's uplifting. I need that sometimes.

5.) Deer are Still F@cking Stupid

Springtime blossoms fade
Melancholy memories
Tossed into the wind.

So...

Ya know when you're not feeling well, and your mood plummets, and everything feels dreary and grey... and then ya get a call from that special person and talk a while about nothing in particular, and suddenly everthing seems much better?

And that's despite the wind and rain, and frigid temps, and the fact that said someone is very very far away.

Oh, and that the campus police at your alma mater tazered a student 'cause he wouldn't leave the computer room. And the your home town's branch of your current health provider is getting criminal charges pressed against them for abandoning a patient on skid row.

>_>

...of course, now I live in a place where they have to borrow news stories from LA in order to fill up a 30-min news program...

...and there are giant piles of multi-color leaves piling up on the streets across the city...

...and in a quite neighborhood, two guys can be working in the garage putting "leaves" into boxes, with the garage doors wide open for fresh air...

...and get arrested by the police...

...did I mention the "leaves" were of the canabis variety?

<_<

Another Handful of Random Thoughts

Umbrellas. Useful little (or in some cases not-so-little) devices, generally designed to keep rain offa yous head. However, their handy light-weight folding (for convenience purposes) and water-shedding (for practicality purposes) design have one fatal flaw: a vulnerability to a strong gust of wind.

-poof-

Instant mass of mangled aluminum and torn cloth onna stick. Woo. Always fun to deal with when the rain is pouring down on you and the wind is blowing every-which way.

So, how to deal with this problem? Well, someone came up with a revolutionary idea: let's make inversion-resistant umbrellas! With cunningly designed vents that will allow the wind to blow through the umbrellla, thereby increasing its ability to resist the subversive forces of the inversion-inducing winds!

...wait... vents?

...umm... doesn't that essentially mean you're putting holes in
the umbrella?

...anyone else think gnomes might have been behind this idea?

No wait, I take that back - if it were a gnomish innovation, it probably would have involved a lot more gadgetry. And might accidentally turn you short with a nice creamy avocado complexion.

__________

Ya know when you're tired all day, and finally get home, and lay down to get a bit of sleep, and end up laying there for an hour unable to fall asleep for some odd reason? And then, when you finally do fall asleep, seems like the next minute the alarm is going off, and you gotta haul your sleepy buttaru outta bed to start the process all over again? An unrelenting, merciless cycle of exhaustion, insomnia, and weariness that goes on and on, seemingly without end?

...yeah...

I miss dreaming.
__________

The Wii is already sold out. It's not even out yet, and it's sold out. Which considering everything is probably a good thing, as it prevents me from plopping down $200+ bucks on the system in a geeky rush of excitement and glee. Oh, and more on the game, of course. Shadow Princess. Mm... Linky goodness.

...I'm such a dork sometimes...

__________

Dear Staff:

Please do not poopy on the floor in the bathroom. Espeically please don't poopy on the floor in the bathroom, step in it, then walk out, leaving a trail of poopy footprints behind you. Poopies belong in the toilet, not on the office floor.

Thank you very much.
__________

A couple weekends ago I bought some stamps to mail stuff. Including some of the 2-cent stamps, as I have a lot of those pesky old stamps that the federal government decided to make no longer sufficient funds for the purpose of mailing things.

I just discovered today that I accidentally through them out with last week's trash.

Excuse me while I club myself over the head.

Huh...?

World of Warcraft people keep complimenting me, and expressing admiration and stuffs.

...??

When did I get popular with people?

It always strikes me as odd to find out that people like me. Can't quite figure it out. I'm not cool, or hip, or even all that interesting. My life is rather boring, my interests are rather bland, my personality is bound up with a lot of angsty self-castigating issues and a lot of dark sarcasm, and at best I'm not the most annoying person in the world.

At best.

Yet cool people seem to like me. It boggles the mind.

A part of me is astonished, and rather flattered. The darker part of me sits wondering when the bottom is going to drop out from under me.

Issues. I have abandonment issues. I know that now. So what do I do? I run away. Before I can get abandoned. Or do something stupid, something preemptive, forcing people to turn away from me. Leaving me alone. Again.

And that dark corner of my soul wants me to be alone.

Where's my flashlight.
__________

It's election season. There's a sign on the corner near my work. It reads, "Vote to Support Mt. Hood Community College!"

...but it doesn't mention what initiative you should vote for, so that you can support said aforementioned college.

...umm... okay...

>_>
__________

Sometimes... sometimes pain lets you know you're still alive.

Other times, it lets you know you did something stupid.

And then there are the times that it's just there, annoying the hell out of you for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Thank goodness for meds. Where's my Advil.
__________

No, I don't make sense. Yes, I like it that way. Don't like it, go away. Don't make me shine my tiny mag-lite at you.

>_>

Snippets of Thought

There is a kitten in the house. His name is Riley. His title, bequeathed unto him by yours truly, is "Kitten of Doom." Also, "Mister Poopie Paws." Both titles fit him aptly. While he is yet but a kitten, he is nearly the size of the room mates' other cat, who is full grown.

She doesn't seem to like this too much.

Nor does she like the activities by which Riley has earned his title. The second one, that is.

Then again, I'm not too pleased by the activities by which he earned his second title, either.

But then, I've never found it enduring for any animal to play with poopies. >_>

...god this cat needs a better hobby...
__________

Application for an apartment was submitted yesterday. Dunno if I'll get it or not. I hope I do. I'm apprehensive about it all, still. But hopeful. And scared. And worried.

It's nice. It has a lot of space. More space than I probably need right now. It's much closer to where I work. It's relatively affordable.

...but I don't know if I can really afford living on my own... not on what I'm currently making...

-_-;
__________

Soo... I sort of lost my mind, and wigged out a bit today. Luckily for me, rather than trying to keep stuff in, I talked to "da man" about it all, and he helped to calm me down. It's great to have someone to stop me when I'm busy running around flailing my arms about in a sheer panic.

I just hope he doesn't get tired of me leaning on him... I think maybe I lean too much.

I also think maybe I worry too much.
__________

...excuse me, I now have to chase Mister Poopie Paws out of my room... where's that squirt bottle...

Just a Few Random Observations...

"Shrugging is the beginings of Wisdom" says the fortune from the fortune cookie.

...umm... yeah, I dun believe it. 'Cause I shrug ALL THE TIME, dernit. And it dun make me no more smarter or wiser than before.

Thus, the cookie lies. For this crime, it will be punished by being consumed by angry (and hungry) tarus.

*munch munch*
__________

...okays, there's just something strange about walking down the street on a bright Tuesday morning on the way to work, and nearly tripping over a discarded pair of men's briefs laying strewn in the middle of the street.

I mean, granted, it's been really REALLY hot over the past few days. And until tonight, there hasn't even been much relief at night.

But... really...running nekkid through the streets? Isn't that going just a BIT too far? Just a little?

o_0;;
__________

THANK GOD FOR THE COOL BREEZE TONIGHT!
__________

My computer seems to hate me. It doesn't want me to play games. At least, not MMORPG's. Which sucks. Hopefully it won't be too expensive to fix... I hope it doesn't, anyway. I kinda NEED the computer to work for gaming... as I kinda use that as a way to hang out with certain people... who live far away... and in a different time zone... >_>

But... heh... at least there's AIM, I guess. ^^;
__________

Okay, so I listen to alternative music. AND I listen to some J-Rock and J-Pop. But sometimes, mixing the two is NOTARU A GOOD IDEA!

I just listened to an alternative J-Rock band's interpretation of Nirvana's "Smells like Teen Spirit" in that new-kinda "We can sing in english GOODS" kind of thing that seems to have taken the Japanese by storm lately.

...

...

...

...my brother's response was, "Eh, no one can understand the words to that song anyway, so it's okay..."

... XD

Viral Poetry vs. Misc. Music...?

C. Marlow has currently taken up residence in a small portion of my brain. An unwanted tenant at the best of times, he is, at the moment, something more than an unsufferable annoyance of the highest caliber. And yet, finding the correct means of evicting this stubborn vagrant is most vexing. Try though I might, the words continue to echo silently in my thoughts, finding ways to creep past my defenses and seeping back into my brain, tainting all it touches with pretension and self-important vanity.

...dammit, as if viral SONGS weren't bad enough... now I got annoying poetry stuck in my head! ARGH!

Ah well, in an attempt to purge this scourge from my brain, I am resorting to the power of music. Specifically, rather loud music of the alternative stripe.

...sadly, it's not completely helping.

R.E.M. is singing about the end of the world. There are Men Without Hats dancing about and crashing a Ren Faire. Sting is stalking someone, and The Police aren't doing anything about it.

Meanwhile at the Oasis, someone is watching a Champagne Supernova in the sky. And speaking of Champagne, I think that Iron Butterfly there had a little TOO much... I can't quite understand what he's saying...

Beck is calling himself a Loser again, and Garbage sings about being happy only when it rains. 311 has a story You Wouldn't Believe. Speaking of stories and Fairytales, Jack Johnson is crooning about Inaudible Melodies.

Creed is asking for someone to take them up to a place with golden streets. But Audioslave replies, forget it, we IS the Highway, not some carpet ride.

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are postitive the Gold Lion is gonna tell them... something. But the Kings of Leon just kept talking about someone being a World Class Suicide.

Rob Zombie is screaming about the American Witch, and the Queens of the Stone Age are shouting back something about a Hanging Tree.

Off to the side, Los Lonely Boys ask how far is it to Heaven.

The Raconteurs are advising to keep things Steady as She Goes, while Nickleback is asking if it's worth Savin Me. And Metallica is running over some kid's bed while the Sandman enters the room, while Hawthorne Heights is Saying Sorry.

But I'm still feeling rather blue, kinda Staind and So Far Away...

...and someone is singing about the Hero of Canton... o_0;;

...okays, think it's time for this taru to go to sleepies...

...as soon as I pelt that damnable shepard-spawning Marlow with rubber bands of much hurtiness... -_-;;

Just another random thought or two...

...wtf is up with this evil heat? It's been in the high 80's - 90's this week. And there's a really dry wind.

It's like the old Santa Ana winds back home.

I hated those winds. And I hated that kinda weather. At least back home, it usually didn't start until summer.

It's May, dammit. Only May! Geez, if I wanted sweltering heat I could have stayed back home. Or gone to some tropical place.

...oh wait, tropical places have bugs, and I've got that slight littaru phobia...

*sigh*

Worse, because my room is so hot with little circulation, I have to try keeping the door open. Which is a problem, because the cats want to come in. But the cats, being hot, are shedding - which already is making my allergies do interesting things to my nasal passages as it is. So I have this cardboard box barrier blocking my door... but I still have to keep an eye on the door, 'cause sometimes the cats try anyway...

*sigh again*

Ah well... who needs to breathe anyway, right?

...oh wait...
__________

I don't know how I'm feeling right now. Am I happy?

I'm not miserable. I mean, I miss my family still, and all my friends back home. But I'm not falling to pieces or anything. I suppose I'm content enough. I guess. Been having bouts of melancholy, but that is normal enough for me.

But I do find myself missing the company. I especially find myself missing my brother. Even though sometimes he drove me crazy, it was always nice to know that if I needed to talk, he was just over in the next room. And I miss hanging out with my friends - going to coffee, or out to dinner, or just visiting with them from time to time.

And the babies! I miss seeing the little babies. All my friends back home have those cute little girl babies. And they're all so cute!

... okay... girly moment over... sorry about that...

As for me... well... I've pretty much given up on all that. After my last blundering bout of stupidity involving my wayward (and utterly devoid of any hint of intelligence) heart, I don't feel I can ever trust it again. It's to the point now that I find myself almost literally running away to avoid allowing my emotions to become too invested in anyone.

Yeah yeah, stupid of me. Blah blah blah, better to risk, yadda yadda, perfect match out there somewhere, and all that stuff. Bah. I've heard it all before. I've said it all before to others - and for them I meant it sincerely. But for me? Nah, dun think so. Not me. Some people don't deserve that kind of happiness.

...okay... so there's just a bit of self-directed bitterness there... (but then, when someone uses you to basically trick you into giving away 10 years of creative work... well... yeah, YOU try not to be just a littaru bitter...)

For the most part, I don't blame anyone else for what happened. Mostly, I blame myself - for placing my trust in the wrong person. Sometimes I blind myself to the faults of others. It's a struggle to see people not as I want to see them, but for what they are.

It's a struggle to try to find forgiveness in my heart for the wrongs of the past. I don't know if I can do it. I know I should let it go, but it's very hard for me to do. I tend to be rather easy going and all, until someone crosses the line. After that, I have the VERY bad tendency to hold grudges - and hold them I do, as tightly as a miser holds his last gold coin in a crowd of beggars.

But forgiving others is still easier than finding that same forgiveness for myself. And I don't know why. I've never known why.

Just a few random thoughts for the day...

Sometimes, morality is like a burden. Some choose to carry its weight willingly. Some never even realize they've been lugging it around all their lives. Some refuse to acknowledge it's existance. And some try to chuck it as far away as possible, never noticing that where ever they go, they're dragging its weight behind them on chains.

Does it hold us back? Does it make us stronger? Does it fetter our potential? Does it empower the soul?

Maybe yes. Maybe no. Depends on who you ask.

As for me, well... I kinda like this particular burden I'm carrying. I think I'll keep it around for a while. Like maybe the rest of my life. At least.
_____

Sometimes life is like when you bite yourself on the inside of your lip by accident.

The first time it hurts, but not too bad. The second time, it hurts more, and the swelling caused by the first bite really flares up. By the third time, your mouth gets all swollen up and it's painful. You don't exactly want to bite yourself again, but the swelling increases the likelihood that you're gonna chomp down on yourself again, the next time you're trying to eat something.

And eventually, you gotta go rinse your mouth out with salt water several times a day to fix the problem. Which hurts. But hey, sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do, eh?

How is that like life? Hey, I just post random thoughts, I don't try to make sense outta them.
_____

...favorite line right now, excerpt from Reaper Man* by Terry Pratchett:


SEE? I HAVE TIME. AT LAST, I HAVE TIME!

Albert backed away nervously.

"And now that you have it, what are you going to do with it?" he said.

Death mounted his horse.

I AM GOING TO SPEND IT.

Yes indeed. Go spend some time, people. Just remember: try to spend it, not waste it.
__________

* Pratchett, Terry. Reaper Man. HarperTorch, an Imprint of HarperCollins Publishing, NY, 1991