Random Reflections

There was a child today, running around after her mother. She couldn't have been more than two years old, if that. Laughing, playing, rushing about with all the endless energy and innocent exhuberance that only children can possess. Yet even so, she was very well behaved for a child her age. You could tell her mother spent a lot of time with her, and was already teaching her socialization skills.

There's nothing quite like a child's laughter. Filled with such happiness, such unbridled joy, it can bring a smile to all but the hardest of hearts.

Bringing up a child in this world, it's so just much. I'm in awe of people who have the kind of courage and selflessness it takes to be a good parent. Especially in this day and age. There's just so much out there that can harm a child, on one way or another - physically, emotionally, spiritually... it's scary. And yet, you can't protect them from everything. Kids will be kids - they'll go out, try things, get hurt, and hopefully learn from their experiences without causing themselves permanent damage.

I look at my younger cousins, and where I once saw cute little monsters I now see fine young men and women. It's so amazing. They're so amazing. It's hard to believe sometimes. I'm so proud of them - so proud to call them family.

I look around and see old friends raising their little ones. Or not-so-little ones, in some cases. And again, it's so amazing. So incredibly amazing.

And, at times, I feel a pang of longing - and loss. Because I know. I'll never know the joys and hardships of parenthood. All the frustration, all the worry, all the wonder. All of it, an amalgam of contradictory emotions and experiences, bundled up with a bow, like a present.

But not for me.

Random Thoughts on the Commercials of Today...

Commercials, commercials, commercials - if ya watch TV, you end up spending what feels like half the time watching commercials. Commercials trying to sell you everything under the sun, from auto insurance to sandwiches to feminine hygiene products.

Some are entertaining. Some are annoying. (Actually, a LOT of them are annoying.) All with the same message: buy, buy, buy.

Some try a fear tactic - you need our product, if you don't buy our product you'll be lacking something important, something you need. There's a lot of medication commercials of this stripe. Alarm systems, diet products, some car commercials too.

Others try a greed tactic - this product will make you happy/rich/sexy, buy buy buy it now. Vitamins products, body scent sprays, exercise equipment, etc.

Of course, one strategy that I personally find abhorrent is the negative ad tactic - trashing someone else's product in order to promote your own.

Bye bye, sandwich place of toasty subs.

Dinner is Served

I have a bad tendancy to brood. And worry. And stress myself out.

Sometimes, to make myself feel better, I resort to something that I find relaxing and enjoyable - I cook.

So that's what I did.

I took some flank steaks I had thawed out earlier in the week, and tossed them into a teriyaki marinade, along with a couple cloves of garlic. Let them sit overnight to soak up the flavor.

Washed some rice and tossed it into the rice cooker.

Got some finely chopped garlic in a pan of melted butter. Threw in a pile of sliced mushrooms. Added a bit of extra virgin olive oil, a bit of salt, some pepper. Tossed them into a bowl.

mmmm...

Started boiling some water. Added some salt. Once it got to boiling, turned off the heat and tossed in some broccoli. Waited just until the color changed to a deeper green, then drained them. Into a bowl for later.

Got the steaks, grilled them up in the pan that I just took those garlic mushrooms out of. Made sure to cook it just long enough, without making it dried out. Then put in aside for a bit, to let the juices all settle.

Ah, there's the rice cooker beeping. Rice is ready.

Back to that pan again. Grilled onions go good with steak, right? So, into the pan they go. After a bit, I added some shoyu and mirin, then reduced it down for a little bit of extra teriyaki sauce.

mmmm...
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...oh, before I forget. I created a new blog, for the purpose of posting short stories and such. The link is over on the side there. I'll try to update it from time to time.

Displacement

Was trading interesting FFXI-based videos (via YouTube) with the brother for the past week. In searching for something interesting, I came across this an old video from a long time ago.

(For those interested, you can find it HERE)

I remember seeing it for the first time when I was still playing FFXI. It was originally done in Japanese, and some of the translations in the English version are a bit clunky and not as poignant (I think, anyway). Still, I think the message is still strong.

It made me remember. It made me think. It made me sad.

I miss the old FFXI days sometimes, but I also know it's not the same back there anymore. What I miss is really the closeness of friends, and those friends are long gone from that game.

It also put me in mind of my current situation in WoW.

I don't feel like I belong sometimes. At lvl 70, there doesn't seem to be anything for me, somehow. The progression from this point on is all about tweaking stats with equipment, which requires a build up of reputation and/or running certain instances over and over. Want to discover something new? Well, the only way to do so is to get the equipment and reputation to open new opportunities.

Over and over and over.

The satisfaction of this kind of success is enough for most folks. Why not me? I feel like I'm missing something. Something vital.

I'm not a hardcore player. I don't care about gear, or loot, or epics, or gold. I don't bother (too much) about stats, or numbers, or getting x amount of +dodge% in order to be able to avoid y% of attacks. Mind you, I don't think anything is wrong with being interested in this aspect of the game - it's just not for me.

I just want to play with friends, and have fun.

But lately, I feel I can't do that. I don't care about stats and such, and as a result my paladin's gear is not up to par for most folks. I feel like I'm more of a detriment than an asset. I know that folks would be much better off with someone better geared than me.

I hate being a burden on people.

めいわく　を　かける。Meiwaku o kakeru.

"Meiwaku" is translated as "annoyance" or "bother". "Kakeru" is to place upon, hang, or cover. So, "to hang an annoyance upon" or to make oneself a pest.

It carries the feeling of being an imposition, a burden, in such a way that the other party cannot politely refuse you aid without breaking the unwritten code of social responsibility and civility, thus losing face. It has connotations of being needy, spoiled, and greedy - of selfishly taking advantage of the kindness and generosity of others without regard for anyone but oneself. A kind of social blackmail.

Maybe because of this, I always feel reluctance to ask for aid. And there are only a few people I feel close enough to feel like I have the right to ask for help. Because otherwise I can never tell if the help is out of duty and obligation, or the bonds of friendship. And I never want anyone to feel "forced".

(0_0) . . . (-_-) . . . (_ _)

It's 7am. I haven't slept. Got maybe an hour, probably less.

Heartburn seemingly triggered an asthma attack, which raised my anxiety levels enough to make the asthma worse. Did not help that laying down made the asthma worse also, making it difficult to breathe at all.

Took some antacids for the heartburn. Took a hit from the inhaler. Two. Four. But it kept coming back.

After about two hours of struggling, I gave up. Decided to get up and not worry about sleeping. Turned on the TV, puttered around on the 'net.

Outside, the day is starting. But for me, it never ended.