Tired Today...

I’m tired, exhausted, and feeling totally drained. My muscles are sore, my back aches, and I have a slight headache.

Still, overall, I’m great.

I had a lot of fun yesterday. Had a nice time with some good friends. Rode on some favorite old rides, including the newly-reopened Space Mountain. Even resisted the evil, siren aroma of the cinnamon-sugar tastiness that is the churro. And ended up the day with a nice dinner with some friends.

So, here's how it went...

The day started off with me waking up a little on the late side, and a phone call. My friend Feo was ready to go, and waiting... but sadly I wasn't ready yet. And Torias, who was the one supposed to be doing the driving, hadn't arrived to pick me up. I called Tori, who apparently hadn't slept much, and was in a very groggy (read: still asleep) state. Somehow he managed to make his way to my house in said state... one look, and I determined I would be doing the driving.

I wanted to ride the fun rides AT Disneyland, not have a scary ride TO Disneyland. >_>

Upon reaching Feo's house (and delivering a couple boxes of books for him, that they may find a good home), we all went to have breakfast at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. It was different from anything I'd ever had before, but surprisingly good. After breakfast, one of our friends had to leave - her car was in the shop and her hubby needed the car in the afternoon - and the rest of us trouped off for the Magical Kingdom.

We started off with the newly reopened Space Mountain. It was a long wait, sadly. An hour. We did talk to some cool people also in line. But for the wait, the ride was still... eh. I never was much of a fan of the Space Mountain, and despite everything, it was the same ride as before. The taru is happy for all those folks who enjoyed the ride, but if ever the taru finds her way back in the realm of the Mouse, the taru will just skip this one and go ride something else.

Next up we went to the Haunted Mansion. Feo was excited about, 'cause that's just his kind of thing, but we were all kind of let down by the "Nightmare before Christmas" thing they set up for the holidays. Instead of graves in the graveyard, they were all Christmas presents, and the ghosts were all wearing fake beards and Santa hats, and it just wasn't the same ghoulish kind of feel. I do think it's probably great for all those little trick-or-treating kids out there, but for me, it was just ... eh.

Then we backtracked a bit to go on the Politically Correctified version of the Pirates of the Carribean. It was fun, but we did note several changes - the talking skull at the drop now tells you to keep your hands and feet in the boat; the "pirates chasing the wenches" area has been reduced to one woman (holding a platter with a bottle of alcohol) being chased, while the woman with "the wonderful personality" is now holding a rolling pin and chasing two pirates now; and the fire scenes now have a lot less billowing flames.

Since it was close by, we also went on Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. I love that ride, and Feo had never been on it. I especially love how all the jerking and movement feel real, but the track itself is utterly flat. Oh, and the darts. Gotta love the darts. I almost bought a fedora after the ride, but managed to resist.

Also went on Big Thunder Mountain. And Splash Mountain. Feo graciously let me sit in the front seat.

...

...

...

-_-;

Needless to say, I'm so very glad I took along a change of clothes. I was so soaked after that ride. I was literally squeezing my shirt sleeve and water was pouring from it. I was dripping from head to ankles, because somehow the only parts of me that DIDN'T get drenched were my feet. Which I suppose was nice, as I absolutely HATE walking around in wet socks.

After a light meal (soup and salad for me), and a quick change of clothes for me, we went off for the Tower of Terror. Now first off, I must note that this was NOT my idea, as generally I hate vertical drop rides. But Feo wanted to ride it, and explained how his friends were involved with the project, so off we went. What we didn't realize that the California Adventure park was closing early... so we had to seriously hustle to get to the ride before they closed. We did manage to get there in time. While it wasn't as cool as the ride he was describing (the one in Disneyworld), it was still interesting and surprisingling I really did enjoy it. I may not ever ride it again, but I did enjoy it.

After that, we made our way back to the main park to assault the Matterhorn Bobsleds. It was fun... until the car started making strange noises at the fast turns, and Feo started saying stuff like, "Gee, it would really suck if the train went off the track... because it's not unknown for these kind of rides to do that..." Nothing like a little fear to make a ride more... umm... "interesting."

Thanks, Feo. Thanks a lot. :P

Finally, we headed out to Downtown Disney, to meet up with more friends for dinner. Ended up getting a few CD's from the musicians performing on the "streets" there, and had a nice dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. It was cool in there - they have animatronic animals and "rain" that falls right next to your tables (but not on you,) and occasional "thunderstorms" that go off every 30 minutes or so. And my friends even got me a nice light but warm jacket for my excursion into the wintery lands of the far north. (Okay okay, I know it's not THAT far north, but it does rain there, and they have the occasional bout of that strange, cold, white stuff they call "snow.")

Tired. Sometimes that’s okay though. Now off I go to sacrifice some coffee beans to the gods of caffeine, in hopes that the scalding of said beans will please them, and lift this curse of an aching head from my shoulders...

... damn though, I have a craving for churros now...

^_^;

FREE!!!

Hmm... how tactful is it for your boss for the last 5 years or so tells you on your last day that you're making the right choice in leaving?

...?

Ah well, always said what she lacked in people skills she made up for in addle-headedness.

More importantly - I'm free! FREE!

...dunno what I'm going to do for a job after this, but AT LEAST IT AIN'T GONNA BE THERE!

*dances*

And Once Again I Realize…

…why I’m leaving this company.

‘Cause they are teh suq.

Today in a department meeting, the venerable VP of the department and one of the senior executive officers, had a full-blown temper tantrum at the manager and two employees (one of them a new one). In front of everyone. Just berated them, then whined and pissed and moaned about how she’s no longer “in the loop” for project she initiated… never MIND that previously she said she was too busy to be bothered with details, she just wanted results.

…

…

…

Boy, am I glad to be outta here. Geez. Talk about embarrassing. An executive of all people should have more control of their emotions than that – not to mention more class. Ah well, just goes to show that money does not equal culture, hm?

Resignation

Well, I actually did it. I resigned today. In two weeks, I will no longer be employed by the company, where I’ve worked for the past 8 years.

8 years. Wow. I can’t believe I’ve been there so long.

And that’s just the first step. The next step, of course, is getting my stuff here together to move out. That’s going to be a big chore.

I’m excited and apprehensive both. I know this isn’t going to be all happiness and roses (just as well, with my allergies to pollen and all… :P), but it will be good for me in the long run. It’ll be difficult to adjust to everything – new environment, far from home and all the stuff here I know and all that. And just the whole living with non-family peoples will take getting used to – even though I love both ‘Tan and Raz lots, it’ll be something for me to get used to. Heck, just being outside of the beck and call of family will take getting used to. For me, and for the family.

Speaking of family…

Mom’s not taking this too well. She feels it’s too risky, that I shouldn’t have resigned until I had a job lined up ahead of time, and an apartment of my own set up, and all the arrangements made. I think really though she just doesn’t want me to go. And I can understand that. I hate to think that this decision might be hurting her, but I can’t really even talk to her about it. When she starts getting negative it just makes me more apprehensive, and I don’t want to hear it because I start second-guessing myself. Again. Like I’m not already wrestling with my own inner demons of insecurity – I don’t think I can take any more doubt.

I need to do this. I need to try. If I don’t try now, if I let myself be defeated by my fears, I’ll give up any sense of autonomy. I’ll be ruled by uncertainty and fear, trapped in my own mind by doubts and insecurity. (And that wouldn’t be very comfortable… kinda too crowded in that little space, and I’m rather claustrophobic…)

This old poem comes to mind.
__________

Taking Flight

If I weren't such a coward I'd just fly away -
Away from the charnel-house reek of decay.
Fling myself forth without haste or delay,
With other like souls to frolic and play.

But because I'm a coward, in this hell I stay,
where disgrace and self-pity assault me each day,
My missteps and failures they proudly display,
And poison my soul with despair and dismay.

Break away, break away, with the dawn fly away -
Let the pain and self-hatred o'er my heart hold no sway,
Unbound by the pettiness that dark hearts obey,
Let my soul fly in freedom, bright wings to essay.

© Talathar, 2003
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Mom, I love ya, and I'd never want to hurt ya - but I need to fly.

Belief

It hurts to find out things sometimes. Like finding out that the friends you thought were standing behind you and believing in you, didn’t really believe. That they were actually waiting for you to back down and fail. That you’re known as a cowardly, unreliable, flakey person. That people don’t have faith in you.

That hurts. What hurts most is that it’s probably deserved.

After all, it’s hard for others to believe in you, when you don’t even believe in yourself.