...with the windows down and the radio going, waiting patiently at a stoplight. There's a bus stop right there, with people waiting, but I don't give it a second thought. When this older Asian woman, who I had assumed was waiting for the next bus, comes up to my car and knocks on the passenger-side door. This of course startles me a bit, but being the polite type I turn down the radio to see what she wants.
In broken English, she asked (in a kind of demanding tone, I thought) if I were driving down to Carson. That puzzled me, so I gave her this blank look.
"What?"
"You drive Carson?" she asked again, and for a second I could have sworn she was going to open my car door and let herself in my car! (Lucky for me I always have it locked anyway...)
....?!?!?
I patiently explained that no, I wasn't driving to Carson, I was driving to work. In Torrance. Not Carson. She looked vaguely disappointed in me, and moved on to the next car, supposedly to ask the same question.
...???
Okay, I like to be helpful and everything, but am I the only one taken aback by this? I mean, if it were a neighbor or someone I knew, maybe I would have been tempted to offer a ride. But for a complete stranger to be asking - no, almost demanding! - a ride... ?
... sometimes people scare me...
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
*yawn*
New Harry Potter book: GOOD
"Capture the Flag" in World of Warcraft: FUN
Meteos on the Nintendo DS: ADDICTIVE
New Manager: COOL
Lack of Sleep: BAD
"Capture the Flag" in World of Warcraft: FUN
Meteos on the Nintendo DS: ADDICTIVE
New Manager: COOL
Lack of Sleep: BAD
Friday, July 08, 2005
About "Losing Myself"
Reading that poem again, wondering where it came from, and why. It woke me up as I was dozing at 1am in the morning last week, demanding that I get up, grab a pen and paper, write it down, before the words and thoughts and feelings behind them faded away into sleep. I sat there for an hour, dead tired and more than half asleep, trying to wake up enough to write them down in a semi-legible scrawl.
I know where it came from, now. Reflecting on it.
I don’t know why. I can’t explain it really. But somehow, in some way, I’m slowly losing my drive to play my main character in WoW. Ever since she hit the maximum level, there’s just something… not fun about her anymore. Lately, I don’t even log in with her, except to collect items to sell or send stuff to other characters.
Well, I guess actually it’s been creeping up on me even before I hit 60. The feeling that, even as I was pushing ahead, I was somehow getting left behind. The feeling that, somewhere along the line, I was losing something vital, something that was the spark that made the character fun.
I guess it’s a combination of things.
Some of the other level 60’s who were members of our guild left. I can’t blame them, as really there wasn’t much we could offer them anymore. They’re great people, friendly and always helpful. They’re still around, and we still consider them allies and friends. But I guess… I guess I just feel like I failed them, somehow. And that I failed the guild, too.
Everyone’s busy with their own things, their own agendas. That’s understandable. There are priorities in life, after all – the one thing I’d hate is if everyone felt obligated to do things they didn’t want to, in a game that is supposed to be about having fun. I don’t feel right imposing on others, either. Even most of our alts don’t quite match up in levels.
But with the level gaps within the group… it feels fragmented. No, that’s not right – I feel fragmented. Isolated.
It's not just the game, either. I’m in that mode again, I think. Isolating myself. Pulling away. Something is not right. I don’t know what, I don’t know why. Something is out of balance. Everything feels out of balance.
And yet I know, the only thing really out of balance right now, is me.
I know where it came from, now. Reflecting on it.
I don’t know why. I can’t explain it really. But somehow, in some way, I’m slowly losing my drive to play my main character in WoW. Ever since she hit the maximum level, there’s just something… not fun about her anymore. Lately, I don’t even log in with her, except to collect items to sell or send stuff to other characters.
Well, I guess actually it’s been creeping up on me even before I hit 60. The feeling that, even as I was pushing ahead, I was somehow getting left behind. The feeling that, somewhere along the line, I was losing something vital, something that was the spark that made the character fun.
I guess it’s a combination of things.
Some of the other level 60’s who were members of our guild left. I can’t blame them, as really there wasn’t much we could offer them anymore. They’re great people, friendly and always helpful. They’re still around, and we still consider them allies and friends. But I guess… I guess I just feel like I failed them, somehow. And that I failed the guild, too.
Everyone’s busy with their own things, their own agendas. That’s understandable. There are priorities in life, after all – the one thing I’d hate is if everyone felt obligated to do things they didn’t want to, in a game that is supposed to be about having fun. I don’t feel right imposing on others, either. Even most of our alts don’t quite match up in levels.
But with the level gaps within the group… it feels fragmented. No, that’s not right – I feel fragmented. Isolated.
It's not just the game, either. I’m in that mode again, I think. Isolating myself. Pulling away. Something is not right. I don’t know what, I don’t know why. Something is out of balance. Everything feels out of balance.
And yet I know, the only thing really out of balance right now, is me.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Losing myself
Losing myself
Losing myself
I just don't know why
running on empty
the well has gone dry
grinning and laughing
it feels like a lie
losing myself
as memories die
Lying awake
no tears left to cry
the pain a dull ache
that flows with the tide
fearful and empty
hiding inside
lying awake
but not knowing why
Looking for something
I know I can't find
feeling so helpless
and wandering blind
forging ahead
yet still left behind
looking for something
that just won't be mine
© Talathar, July 1, 2005
Losing myself
I just don't know why
running on empty
the well has gone dry
grinning and laughing
it feels like a lie
losing myself
as memories die
Lying awake
no tears left to cry
the pain a dull ache
that flows with the tide
fearful and empty
hiding inside
lying awake
but not knowing why
Looking for something
I know I can't find
feeling so helpless
and wandering blind
forging ahead
yet still left behind
looking for something
that just won't be mine
© Talathar, July 1, 2005