Worried

I'm rather worried about me mum.

She's been tired lately. And a little cranky. But that's not why. I'm used to her being a little cranky, especially when she's tired.

It's just that, every once in a while, she makes these little comments. Comments that really aren't like her. Not every day or anything, but just occasionally. It's still enough to worry me.

"I'm not always going to be here to take care of you," she scolded my dad, a slight edge in her voice as she cleaned up after one of his infamous kitchen messes.

Every time she says it, my heart stops a moment.

I've been trying to get her to go see the doctor for a check up. Not that anything is wrong, but she was supposed to be going every 6 months or so, and hasn't been. Part of it is financial - she couldn't afford PPO coverage at first, and would have had to go to a different doctor, which she wasn't confortable with.

On one level, I understand. It's hard to share with a complete stranger your medical history, especially for ovarian cancer. That's such a private thing for a woman, especially for someone as reserved and private as my mom. It was really painful for her to have to get that operation, which in her eyes took away much of her womanhood. To have to share that with a stranger, and talk about it even... I mean, I understand that she'd rather stay with the doctor she already knows and trusts. I even understand the financial situation - even though she knows I'd help out with any money issues, she doesn't like to rely on others for stuff like that. Then again, since the rest of her family always comes to HER with their financial woes every time, I can see WHY she wouldn't want to come to me with her own.

But that doesn't matter. She needs to go. She says she's waiting until the open enrollment period for her company, which is in February. I'm not really comfortable with that, but she's stubborn. My dad and I have kind of tag-teamed her on this, but we both know direct confrontation won't work. All THAT would do is make her even more determined to stay the course she's decided on already. The only thing we can do is try to convince her, with logic and gentle persistence.

Even though I don't know that she's going to change her mind on this one. *sigh*

Ode to Pumpkin Pie

I love this time of year. The cool weather. The occasional rain. (Yes, it does rain in CA. Not often, but it does. :P ) The cold mornings that make you want burrow under your blankets and stay just five minutes longer in the warmth on that most dreadful of days known as Mondays...

no wait... strike that last one...

Yes, I love this time of year. But most of all, I love the pumpkin pie.

Oh the wondrous, tasty scrumptiousness that is the pumpkin pie. Oh the unmatched flavor of nutmeg and allspice and cinnamon, blended together with the pumpkiny goodness of pureed pumpkin, baked in a flakey crust of pieness, and topped with the sweet, sweet cream of whippedness.

Oh, the rapture.

But alas, for that I did upon the preceding eve purchase such a delicacy. Fully did I intend to partake of it - after my somewhat unpalatable fast-food meal of ultimate mediocrity had been somewhat digested. But I, in a mindless stupor induced by the evil box of distraction, did utterly forgot said morsel. And thus was the pumpkin pie left, forgotten and alone, to lament its solitary fate.

Ah, the cries of sorrow it must have shed, that poor, solitary pumpkin pie. All alone, abandoned and forgotten in an empty kitchen. Deprived even of the company of its fellow pumpkiny brethren, ripped ever-so-cruelly from its lifelong friends mere hours after its birth. What a tragic, tragic fate had befallen it.

No worries though - 'twill soon find and ending to its misery. Yes oh yes, it surely will... *chuckles softly, with just a hint of malice...*

Back online! (woo hoo!)

Okay, so with some help from tech support and my brother, we found out what was wrong, and it has been since fixed. Thus, once again the black-cloaked wander is free to roam the skies of the internet at will, and an annoyingly cute tarutaru has been once again wandering the lands.

Oh joy. Oh rapture. Oh joyous rapture. And stuff.

Ya don't really know what yer missin 'til yer missin it, ya know?

Of course, now I got lots to do, and lots of work to catch up on. With no internet access, even looking at the computer at home made me irritable, and thus I didn't touch the durned thing for the duration of my little outage. Now, I have no excuse not to meet certain writing obligations I've not been meeting of late.

*looks meekly apologetic*

So, if I owe ya some writing stuffs, let it be known I no longer have an excuse. Please feel free to give me hell over it at any time. Now, please excuse me while I make sure my AIM is turned off. (j/k, j/k - I wouldn't do that. Not really. I don't have that here at work anyway... ^_- )

GAH!

Urk.

After 5 days, I am still internet-less at home. My only solace is that I still have some limited access to the internet after a fashion.

And yet, for some reason I'm not all that motivated to get my internet service back. There is no real drive for me to get on the phone with my ISP and scream until this problem has been fixed. I'm just not caring much. Even though it is of some inconvenience to be without access to the internet.

I'm just... I dunno, a little apathetic. I don't really care.

Maybe because so many people at home have just been taking gross advantage of a service I've been paying for. Maybe it's because no one seems to appreciate the $50+ bill I fork over my money for every month for high-speed internet access. Maybe it's because I wish for once someone else would just take care of things for me, instead of me having to scramble around and accommodate others. Maybe I'm just too tired, or too lazy, or just burned out.

Maybe I just don't care.

I do miss being online at home though... -_-