...What the...?

A couple of random thoughts for the week...

1.) What drives squirrels to commit the act of jisatsu (trans: suicide) by throwing themselves upon transformers in the midst of winter? Desperation? Depression, caused by an inability to locate his hidden winter stash of nuts and various foodstuffs? The stress of being chased by dogs, cat, and small human children wearing enough clothing that even falling down two flights of stairs would leave them completely uninjured and unbruised?

Limited brainpower?

Oh woe, the sufferings and hardships that the poor, benighted squirrel must have suffered in squirrely silence. How long did he struggle to contain his squirrely anguish. All in vain, for as the pain grew and grew, the banality of his existance became at long last overwhelming, until at last, in an desperate act of self-negation, he flung his little rodent body down upon the crackling mass of flowing electrons.

And thus, for nearly 2 hours, power for a major business area was cut off.

In death, the lowly squirrel makes a momentary impact upon the greater world. And manages to annoy workers and business owners. Heh.

2.) It's cold. It's windy. It's dark. Outside, 6 - 10 people wait, bundled up against the frigid conditions, gathered near each other for relative shelter from the chilly breeze. Waiting for the doors of the bus to open, and welcome them, shelter them from the cold. Inside the air is warmed by the still-running engine. They can almost feel the warmth blowing through the vents, blowing behind the metal and glass doors.

But they are all denied entry. Denied by the driver, who himself stands in comfort, munching contentedly on his hot dog snack and sipping his bottled soda. He stands there, almost smugly watching the shivering throng, shedding his heavy jacket and thick gloves to bask in the warmth in his short-sleeved shirt. As we, helpless captives of this display of callous cruelty, are forced to watch. And wait. In the cold.

...jerk...

Random Question

Random question of the day: if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?


Random answer: blueberry coffee


(...yeah, try to make sense outta that if you can. :P )

Left-Over Insomnia

I'm so tired. The past two days, I've been out walking here and there in the rain. And last night I was suffering from one of my typical anticipation (anxiety?) moments, and could not sleep. I feel exhausted. I really should be sleeping. Yet, I lay down, and just as my thoughts start to fuzz out, I jolt back awake again.

I can't settle my mind. I'm too keyed up. But I'm also too tired to do anything substantial, like any serious writing or design practice or studying. I try, but I can't seem to focus enough, and my eyes start drooping. And again, I try to go lay down, and after a few minutes my mind goes into overdrive yet again. I'm almost to the point of incoherent babble.

...

...

...oh wait, I do that anyway. *shrug*

Insomnia...

...means I can't sleep... I'm too hyper/nervous/hyper/silly/tired/hyper to sleep.

SLEEPIES! Where are you, sleepies! Don't leave a poor taru up and restless, unable to find peace and nice soft dreamies in your gentle embrace! Don't run away - everyone knows tarus aren't scary!

*toddles off in futile pursuit of sneaky sleepies, which evade her grasp*

Fear

A national talent agency contacted me this week. They saw my resume posted online, and e-mailed me. I e-mailed them back, telling them I’d be interested (and happy!) to discuss things with them… and someone called me back (...sadly I wasn’t near the phone, and didn’t notice the message blinking until after 7pm...dammit... >_<).

And now, suddenly, I’m utterly terrified.

What if my skills aren’t good enough? What if they think I’m a total loser? What if my samples suck, and don’t look professional, and aren’t even worth the paper they’re printed on? What if I can’t be coherent on the phone, and make myself look like a total idiot?

What the heck is wrong with me?

I mean, I know I’m a hard worker. I’m dedicated, and determined when I put my mind to it. I’m organized and thorough about my work, and I enjoy being able to put my creativity to work everyday. I’m always willing to go the extra mile to make sure things are done correctly, neatly, and on time.

So why the hell am I so scared?