Dear Guy with the New "Front Spoiler" on His Car:
Being able to come up with creative solutions is usually a good thing. It shows a clever mind that is capable of thinking in new and innovative ways to accomplish goals. It is a sign of an individual unconfined by the stifling walls of established normalcy. It shows strength of character.
However, sometimes it just makes you look like a cheap dweeb.
Despite what popular urban myth may lead you to believe, duct tape is not the solution to everything.
If you want a front spoiler for your car, please go purchase a front spoiler and install it on your car. Or at least go find a front spoiler at your local junk heap.
Really, how blind do you think we are? We can all see your so-called "sporty" spoiler is really nothing more than layers and layers of black duct tape applied to the front bumper.
And no, we don't think it's cool.
Not even if you're sporting a matching duct tape "leather" jacket to go along with it.
__________
Dear Random Driver in the Parking Lot:
Yes, I know that in your country of origin you drive on the left side of the road. And honestly, I understand it can take a little time to get adjusted. But please understand - here, in this country, we drive on the right.
This is the new reality that you must adapt to. We're sorry for the incovenience, truly we are. But no amount of hostile glaring, rude gesturing, and muttered comments under your breath in a non-English language is going to make this reality change.
So please, stop trying to make my brain assplode with the frightening mental powers of your hairpiece, and try to remember to drive on the right side of the road. Yes, even in parking lots. I'm sorry if the extremely large painted arrows on the asphalt indicating the directionality of traffic flow were somehow not making things clear to you.
Thank you for your time.
__________
Dear People Driving in California:
Please remember that some traffic signals here in the area have those wonderful camera accessories, which the local authorities use to take pictures of you when you try to run a red light (or sneak through on a yellow, as we drivers are sometimes wont to do).
For your convenience, these intersections are rather blatantly marked by signs (not to mention the really obvious cameras), which have been placed beside the road to kindly remind you that maybe speeding through the upcoming intersection perhaps isn't the best idea.
Of course, if you're speeding down the road at 65 mph, you may find the sign just a bit difficult to spot. So maybe slowing down just a bit might be advisable.
I mean, unless you're just trying to be helpful and provide the city of Los Angeles with a little bit of money during its time of deep financial crisis and all. Which I suppose really is quite civic-minded of you and all, but I think you could probably find a little better way to donate money to a needy cause. One that won't net you a $350+ citation and a black mark to make your car insurance premiums higher.
But hey, it's up to you.
