GAH

I can't seem to focus on anything but the negative right now. Well, I know I have a natural tendency towards the negative, but right now it's worse than usual. The overflow of negative has predictably resulted in isolation.

Which really is deserved. I can't blame anyone for it but myself. No one wants to talk to someone who's always feeling miserable and borderline self-destructive.

So I'm going to stop.

Until I get to a better place in my head, I'm just not going to talk about it.

Just before the bottom drops out...

After months of submitting my resume everywhere, I actually got a call back. The very next day.

Summer's promise fades
Faint embers of hope linger
Anticipation

On the Edge

I never thought I'd be so near the end of my rope.

I thought it was hard before, at my old job. Insecure managers with no people skills. Overbearing co-workers who openly get away with sexual harassment without consequence. Demanding procrastinators who put the blame on everyone else. It was a very unhappy place.

That was nothing compared to this.

Wavering between sleeplessness and complete collapse. Headaches. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Frustration. Hopelessness. Fear.

Chained by responsibility. By guilt.

I don't even have the energy to game. Or write. Or anything.

I'd scream if I could. Or cry.

There must be something wrong with me. Everything I touch falls apart.

Taking teeth to wrist
Gnashing, gnawing, biting through
Pool of red release